@dori I have so many opinions about this but most aren’t polite so I’ll refrain. I too am female, over 40, work in tech, feminist (not really second wave but not really third wave either). I don’t wear makeup and have decided dyeing my hair all the time to cover greys sounds like too much work. I detest the facile and babyish response that many women have towards makeup, shoes and clothes these days. If you present me something with a picture of a high-heeled shoe or a hand bag on it we will have words. And if you think I want the shoes/clothes I do buy to be pink or purple or soft green, you can bloody well think again. Sorry to hear you have been feeling excluded where you are. Back when I worked in an office the “fluffy girls” were the ones with the soft-tech skills rather than the ones who were more technical. (That seemed to play out with the guys as well, before you think I’m being too mean. 😈)